It came as a bit of a shock when all my un-usual tiredness, until then non-existent sea-sickness and starving whale-like hunger during our month in Crete and last crossing to Malta turned out to be due to yet another little worm growing in my womb. Of course we could have continued beating on, but at what cost? A newborn, three under fours and an ocean crossing… I know of a few families who in a similar situation decided to keep sailing, like Salty Kisses who had their third little Crew in the Bahamas and are now sailing the Arctic! But I also know that the price those courageous families pay is, in a nutshell, working on their energy reserves most of the day, on most day.
Contrary to my first two pregnancies, this time around I was plagued not with morning, but with all-day-sickness. Being not only on a boat, but responsible for it, didn’t make things easier. Moreover, as much as we’ve loved the adventures afloat with our little ones over the past couple of years through the Med and were looking forward to the Atlantic and Caribbean and thereon, we just couldn’t envisage how to find the energy to do it with a third one on top. Most other cruisers (all who we know and know off) have the advantageous setup of mum mainly looking after the kids, and dad mainly looking after the boat. In our case, I (mum) was the one with by far more sailing experience, thus naturally boat decisions fell on my shoulders – and same with the kids as no matter how great of a dad Pablo is, there’s still only one thing like a mum – and that’s mum herself.
So where to from here? We are not so sure. Over the past two months travelling Spain and Morocco I have missed the consistancy of a home that Happy Dancer used to give us, throughout our travels. No matter where we were, or how quick we moved, the boys always had their same bed to fall into each night, all their toys to play with and I didn’t have to pack and unpack constantly. On the other hand, we now REALLY know to appreciate the easiness which living on land provides: No storms to look out for, no anchors to worry about, no swell, no water and fuel tanks to fill up, no constant repairs to be done, no constant look-out for kids in the water, no bumpy dinghy rides for re-provisioning, massive fridges and freezers, four cobs on the stove most of the time, a dinner table around which ten friends can fit comfortably, so much space… and that’s only to mention a few conveniences. After my yoga retreat in Tenerife there is a few options we are toying with, ranging from India and Bali for some spiritual sangha which I’ve really been missing throughout our sailing years, over Cuba for a fix of Latin America which we are both craving, to going back home to Sydney – given I’ve been homesick ever since we left, in the most positive of ways. Having grown up nomadically, this is the first time I must notice that a place feels like home and rather than angst I’m feeling gratefulness for it. Call it age?!? Or maturity;)
The journey goes on and this blog will continue to be my scrupulously honest diary througin and throughout. As to the Caribbean and Pacific, we’ll be there on a new boat when the kids will be old enough to stand their own night watches and this blog, once more, will turn from Travelling into Sailing Yoga Family;)
A fellow yogini and dear friend of mine has also recently had to change direction, letting go of an old dream, to embrace the un-known, challenging and new. I’m sure she doesn’t mind me quoting an extract from her last mail, as I couldn’t express it better in my own words.
It sounds like you might understand something about letting go of a dream. A strange mix of grieving and liberation. A surrender to what IS, rather than what I had in mind…. and I guess at the end of the day, I’m just grateful I didn’t remain stuck or dwelling in a “I don’t want to be here” space. I trusted myself toward change, and was once again rewarded with so much more joy than I expected. I hope you experience more joy than you ever imagined possible.
And these hopes I pass on to you, dear reader, no matter what changes are awaiting you on your life’s horizon.